Grock, I bet you smell like Mrs Emery off Little Britain

If I go home & tell the wife that somone recommended using wee as an earcleaner, she'll reckon our office firewall has broken and I've been on some very dodgy website.


Life is less believable than fiction.

I could tell you about the time the police attack dog crapped on our office carpet at 1am... ... but I promised not to.


Before anyone suggests it, NO we did NOT use human wee to clean the carpet, just a very annoyed caretaker and a shovel.

That's a thought, Vivie, if you stick warm urine in your ears, do you not smell a bid dodgy or does it sort of slosh around and then run out quite quickly?

And before Piglet et al start on this again, I really want to know, OK?

Peter. I'm sure you can find dodgy websites about dogs crapping on carpets if you look hard enough. Which reminds me of something else, ready for a story guys?

A couple of years ago a friend visited me with his lovely black labrador, Rex. For reasons best known\to himself, Rex suddenly whimpered and then deposited a huge pile of crap on my kitchen floor. My friend was so embarrassed and couldn't stop apologising; I couldn't stop laughing. Later that day my friend sent me a text message on behalf of Rex which said

"I'm really sorry I crapped on your kitchen floor, I hope you still love me, Rxxx".

What he didn't know was someone had stolen my mobile phone earlier that day. I can't imagine what sort of friends the thief thinks I have! Probably threw the phone away in case my habits were dirty too...

i am now giving you a new name...NASTY HABBITS.come to think of it ,i think liz already has a friend called that,...am i right liz or is it one of my many other friends?reg the wee wee in the ear,i guess you would just have to walk around with your head tilted to the side,with ye finger stuck in it.
and piglet watch titty titty bang bang,then get back to me

I have watched it Grock, your picture has a vague resemblance to the broad bird with the whiskers and the tongue flicking habit

eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee you dirty dirty pig,get back in your pen

Piglet, are you trying to tell me that Alan Titchmarsh looks like some hairy broad bird off the TV with tongue flicking habits!
I'm getting very confused here

hes confused chantal,he means one of those adult chat lines he goes on

This is getting worse, how can you SEE anything on an adult chat line?

Just watch Titty titty bang bang, and there it is, a long haired female (I think) version of Grocks ultimate pin up, Chris Beadshaw

I refute any allegations of chatlines, My only sin is that beekeepers magazine "readers hives"

oh ok piggy ill send the one of me and liz covered in honey

Yep, a friend of mine is called Nasty Habits. Worked with her for 3 years and she did have some very, very nasty habits. She used to teach all her nieces and nephews her little tricks. She then told them it was ok for them to do it because she said so.

It was amazing the things I picked up working in the civil service. That's another story though

Grock, can't send that one. It got seized with some other bits.

Piglet, Grock's pinup is Alan T, mine is Chris B.

Even more confused of Plot 10.

pigglets pin up is me,but DONT DARE ask to see it